Decenter yo'self
On not making yourself the center of your own universe
American culture tells me I’m the most important person on Earth.
Before you eye roll, know that our culture is also telling YOU that the spotlight’s on you at all times.
The inspiration for this week’s newsletter comes from an unlikely place, which happens to be my hair. My gray hairs, to be precise, which have been coming in hot lately. The area around my right temple is especially terrible. I’ve been stressing over them, if I’m honest, and I haven’t been wearing my hair up because doing so puts the right temple grays on full display. The problem isn’t the gray hairs per se, but more the sad fact that something has changed in the last year. Seemingly overnight, I very solidly became middle-aged.
I’ve been perseverating. I’ve been plucking. None of it makes a difference because, as the days go by, I continue to get older.
But then I realized … I’m the ONLY PERSON on earth focusing on my gray hairs. Literally no one else cares about my aging trajectory. That’s because everyone else is too wrapped up in their own self-centered bubble to give an extra second’s thought to little ol’ me.
While this may sound like good news at first glance, I urge us all to stop and pause.
What are the consequences of us each being in our own respective bubbles for the entirety of our lives?
Modern culture is obsessed with the self. It tells us to focus on who we are, how we feel, what we lack, and how to fix it. There's a reason self-care has become a buzzword. It’s a trend by which the fashion and beauty industries make billions.
The (erroneous) belief that the world revolves around ME is perpetrated by entertainment, advertising, social media, and a culture that’s obsessed with endless consumption. Our economy thrives on our self-centeredness.
Of course, we do worry about others. But when we worry about others, it’s usually over those in our closest circle, like our children, our parents, our bestest friends. For everyone else, we certainly care. But not with the same intensity, the same vigor.
It’s time we face facts. America may have been built on rugged individualism, but that individualism has rapidly devolved into self-centeredness.
The rise of American self-centeredness obviously correlates with a decline in empathy. I’m here to argue this generalized reverence for self-centeredness is also pretty darn horrible for the planet.
When we are laser-focused on ourselves, we aren’t thinking of others, let alone those who are destined to live on the warming planet we created. If/when we do think about the planet’s problems, most of us stress over how a warming planet will impact ME and those closest to ME.
Individualism in the climate crisis conversation is a dead end. By encouraging us individuals to reduce carbon footprints, the fossil fuel industry has trapped us in a performative cycle where we take personal sustainable actions, feel satisfied, and stop advocating for change. When we focus on individual actions, we focus less on the actions of mass-polluters.
It’s sad but true. The cardinal American virtue of individualism is at odds with the collective good.
“Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe …We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us … There is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.”
—David Foster Wallace, 2005, This Is Water
I’m no expert on decentering myself, as evidenced by the above self-centered photo. But proponents say doing so profoundly liberating.
Whereas the research is clear in that excessive self-focus leads to more anxiety, more depression and a nagging sense of dissatisfaction, those who routinely take the metaphorical spotlight off of themselves and onto others are significantly happier.
Therein lies the paradox. The less time you spend obsessing over you, the better your life will feel. The healthier the planet will be, too.
You’ll buy to fulfill your whims less. Over time, you’ll stop looking outside yourself for a product to provide a solution to a problem that never existed.
The happiest and most fulfilled people aren’t sitting at home counting their gray hairs. That's because they're too absorbed in something bigger.
So go on and lose yourself in a craft. Or a cause. Or your community. Explore a new hobby (no, scrolling on your phone is not a hobby). Volunteer. Make genuine connections. Get absorbed in a good book. Pick something worth doing and get a little better everyday. Keep going.
I released an episode last Tuesday for subscribers about what the world’s major religions have to say about environmental action, and it’s a good one. (Spoiler alert: Literally every religion tells us to respect and honor the earth, so why aren’t we doing it?)
You can listen via your preferred podcast player:
Please also know that this newsletter—and this podcast—is a work of passion. If on the off chance money is burning a hole in your pocket, I humbly suggest that you support small creators like myself instead of Jeff Bezos on this last day of **FOUR** Prime Days.
Thanks for being here, and thanks for reading/listening ❤️
Great article, I couldn’t agree more. We live in a “me” culture, that is our culture
For sure, modern American culture centers the self over all else. Amish culture, however, is the opposite. All is seen through the prism of how it effects their society, not the self. (An extreme on both ends isn't necessarily great.)