How to create a crisis-resilient home
Living well in this era of anxiety-provoking catastrophes
Take a population and warm ‘em up with a pandemic. Then give them near-continuous devastation caused by climate change—raging wildfires, heatwaves, floods, you name it. Next, throw in a megalomaniac dictator, tariff volatility, a growing sense of scarcity despite ridiculous overabundance, and a genocide of innocent children in the Middle East. Last but certainly not least, leave everyone in the fugue state that’s caused by the slow but painfully apparent loss of American democracy.
Then sit back and watch that population stress the heck out. Welcome to 2025!
The truth is, there’s a lot to be worried about at the moment. There’s a lot to be anxious about. And if you’re like me, you’re really freaking anxious these days.
A mid-level anxiety hum is always with me as I go about my days. When my husband asks, I tell him it feels like there’s an elephant sitting on my chest. He usually looks back at me like I’m bonkers.
And yet I’m fully aware that my job as a parent of two daughters (ages 8 and 11) is to shield them as best I can from the sources of my perpetual anxiety. This week’s podcast guest agrees. Therapist and author Ariella Cook-Chonkoff argues that one of the best things we can do for our children is to take care of ourselves. To manage our own stress and anxiety so that we may create what she calls a crisis-resilient home.
According to Ariella, kids adopt their parents’ emotional burdens. They may mirror behaviors, or they may act out at school. Some children may even internalize their parents’ feelings in hopes of balancing out the family system.
Kids just want to make their parents feel better. But that’s our job, not theirs.
“The parent relationship to climate anxiety must also include an on/off switch. Although we need to acknowledge the ginormous truth of the climate crisis and find real, active, and meaningful ways to engage with it, leaning into it at all times can be harmful and counterproductive.”
- Ariella Cook-Chonkoff
Yes, we are living in the polycrisis era. (Which isn’t necessarily new, by the way. Many people throughout history lived amidst multiple, simultaneous threats.) But it shouldn’t matter what storm is raging outside. As parents, it’s our job to batten down the hatches and keep the chaos OUT.
I had the privilege of speaking to Ariella on this week’s episode, released for paid subscribers on Tuesday. In our conversation we discussed exactly how to be authentic and truthful with our feelings without stressing the heck out of our kids. Here are some suggestions that particularly resonated with me:
Get your words right. Words are powerful, and they can elicit big emotions. So use the right ones. Instead of using words like “collapse” or “chaos” when speaking about the climate crisis, use words like “climate change,” “changing climate” or simply describe what’s happening without emotion. “Earth’s getting hotter” or “pollution is hurting Mother Earth” are better than resorting to doomerist language.
Make a routine out of screen breaks. The addictive nature of smartphones can wreak havoc on our mood, self-esteem, nervous system, and concentration. (It’s also the screens that provide the news, and it’s the news that’s anxiety-provoking in the first place!) So instead of burying your head in the sand and retreating to willful ignorance, feel goof about taking scheduled breaks from screens. Those breaks are your rejuvenation time.
Get creative. Humans are creative creatures by nature. Even better, it feels really darn good to make something with your own two hands. If you’ve fallen out of the habit, get back in. If you’ve always wanted to try a new hobby but have been too busy, make the time. It’ll help alleviate your anxiety, I promise. As an added bonus, doing so will also help you create that coveted crisis-resilient home.
I’d be remiss if I failed to mention two phenomenal suggestions from author and former podcast guest Cheryl Leutjen. In her recent article in Eco Parent magazine, Cheryl suggests we:
Spend more time noticing nature instead of just being in it. Don’t just go outside. Take it one step further and enjoy it. The way sunlight dances on a slowly moving stream. The intricate fractals that comprise a fern. The birdsong that’s actually quite calming. According to Cheryl, “encouraging a daily awareness of nature demonstrates that it is something to be valued, and deserving of at least as much care as we give our toys and our family pets.” I’m inclined to agree.
Get our children involved in advocacy, and early. Nothing screams resilience quite as loud as advocacy. My third grader can write a letter to Old Navy, her preferred clothing brand at the moment, and urge them to enact meaningful reform across their supply chain (not in those words, of course). And my middle schooler? She recently volunteered at a Styrofoam recycling event alongside me. She may not have enjoyed it, but the experience definitely got her thinking.
And if your child is already engaged in a cause, offer support and ask to attend a meeting or volunteer alongside them. Teaching our children to use their voices from a young age may set them up with the both the confidence and the skills to use said voices throughout their lives.
For both Ariella and Cheryl, taking action is the best antidote to counteract the despair of what seems to be unsolvable problems. I wholeheartedly agree. If you’re stressed to the max by some or all of the components that make up 2025’s polycrisis, know that taking action will make you feel a whole lot better. Taking action also means you’ll do your part to help achieve the critical mass that’s necessary to move the needle toward change.
My family is heading to Glacier National Park next week, so your inbox will be newsletter-free. I’ll be back the following week, though, and I’ll be armed with plenty of glacier photos for attention. See you then :)
Ariella Cook-Chonkoff’s forthcoming book (out Aug. 19) is titled, “Raising Anti-Doomers: How To Bring Up Resilient Kids Through Climate Change and Tumultuous Times.
is the author of Love Earth Now: The Power of Doing One Thing Every Day. She’s also a Substack regular.
Thank you for all the wonderful reminders!!